Four Signs of an Emotionally Healthy Differentiated Leader and Why It Matters in Your Team and Your Marriage
Emotional UnHealth is Stunting the Growth of Your Team and Marriage The way I steward my own personal emotional health can bring health and healing to emotionally unhealthy systems; ie your company or marriage. I am responsible 100% for my emotions. I am not responsible for others’ emotions. And learning the difference and coaching could be what accelerates your team and your marriage. The biggest challenge facing leaders today is emotional health. Take a quick inventory of your conversations recently. Are you blaming, reacting, fixing, or joining others in an emotionally unhealthy way? Listen to how you talk about your co-workers, boss, and spouse. Tired of childlike behavior and want others to be Listen to how you lead your team. If you don’t know then ask someone to give you direct feedback if you are exhibiting any of the four signs below. 1) Reactivity 2) Herding 3) Blame 4) Quick fix Healthy emotional systems find a center by taking these five positions. 1) Healthy leaders remain calm. 2) Healthy leaders have a strong sense of self and can detach while relationally staying connected. 3) Healthy Leaders take complete responsibility for themselves and expect others to do the same. 4) Healthy leaders realize long-term change will cause discomfort and is willing to lead others through the pain. 5) Healthy Leaders will take clear stands at the risk of displeasing others. Four Signs of an Emotionally Healthy Differentiated Leader Emotional Reactivity is a measure of the degree to which one can remain calm in response to the emotionality of others. A well-differentiated individual will not fuse emotion and intellect and be guided wholly by what feels right but will be able to differentiate between their own emotion and the emotions of others and think through their actions. The “I” Position is a measure of a person’s ability to take a stand in relationships, maintain a clear sense of self, and thoughtfully adhere to personal convictions even when pressured by others to do otherwise. Emotional Cutoff is a measure of the degree to which an individual will cut themselves off from a relationship due to being emotionally overwhelmed with a relational situation. Well-differentiated individuals will remain in relationships, in contact with those with whom they have had a relational rift. Fusion with Others is a measure of an individual’s ability to maintain the self and not fuse with another individual to gain emotional comfort. This is related to separation anxiety seen in children. Rather than deal with the emotional discomfort, a poorly differentiated individual will hold close to a relationship that is strained. (Information above is based on Bowen Family Systems Theory) Your emotional health is worth it. The health of your team and marriage is worth it. Will you take action to grow at the end of the year and plan your 2023 growth plan? |
