Transform Your Marriage in 20 Seconds

We’ve hugged every day for 5 years. Minimum 20 seconds.

This simple practice has transformed our marriage—10x the connection.

1. We regulate our emotions.
2. We both win when we embrace.
3. The integrity of our intimacy has soared.

The foundation of any healthy, dynamic relationship? Trust and safety.

And hugging, especially a daily 20-second hug, creates both.

Studies show the benefits of hugging include:

• Boosts oxytocin—the love hormone.
• Lowers cortisol—reducing stress.
• Increases dopamine—uplifting mood.

A common challenge in relationships is differentiation—the ability to maintain your individuality while being deeply connected to your partner. When you practice “hugging until relaxed,” you strengthen your emotional regulation and your differentiation. This practice was first discovered when reading Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch.

Here’s how it works:

1. Stand on your own two feet.
2. Wrap your arms around your partner.
3. Focus on yourself.
4. Quiet yourself down—way down.

By hugging until you feel relaxed, you’re learning to self-soothe, calm your mind, and stay grounded—right in the arms of your partner.

Try it for 30 days. Less stress, more connection, and more intimacy. Guaranteed.

This article was originally a LinkedIn post in 2024. The feedback I heard from men practicing this was encouraging. May you find it useful this year to deploy in your marriage. I updated the post using ChatGPT.