The Power of Hugging: Taking Your Marriage to the Next Level
Hugging can be a powerful way to reconnect and deepen intimacy in your marriage. When done with intentionality and patience, hugging helps rewire both your heart and mind, creating space for joy and closeness.
How Hugging Works
This isn’t just about physical closeness—when you hug long enough to relax, it activates a sense of calm and connection. David Schnarch explores this concept in Passionate Marriage, and Dr. John Gottman’s research backs it up with the “6-second kiss” and “20-second hug” techniques.
- 6-Second Kiss: A six-second kiss triggers the release of serotonin and dopamine, bringing feelings of joy and intimacy.
- 20-Second Hug: Holding each other for twenty seconds connects your hearts, signaling safety and trust, which forges a deeper bond.
Creating a Bonding Ritual
To build this bonding practice, look for natural transitions in your daily or weekly routine. Start by sharing your desire to reconnect through touch:
“I’d love for us to take a moment each day to reconnect with a 10-second hug. Life gets busy, and I want to feel close to you before we move into the evening with the kids. Would you be open to trying this a few times this week?”
Take time to let the hug sink in—don’t rush it. If holding on for a full 10 seconds feels uncomfortable, use it as a chance to grow in emotional awareness and presence.
Benefits of a Hugging Habit
- Creates Emotional Safety: Physical touch helps foster a sense of security.
- Releases Feel-Good Chemicals: Serotonin and dopamine enhance feelings of happiness and closeness.
- Shows You Care: Intentional affection lets your spouse know they matter to you.
After trying 10 seconds, move to 20-second hugs and see how they begin to transform your bond.
May you slow down to find emotional safety and connection with the one you love most.
